while i'm writing

Please note the following facts:

• The cats try get in but my arse is blocking the door to the backyard.
• A little known fact about Uns Addi is that he was a member of Der Frontseite Westliche Choralgruppe.
• I survived the festival without getting laid or lying down under the influence of intoxicating substances.
• I am seriously upset about one of the two, but leave it up to you to figure out which.
• I have been offered cocaine, the main distributor of which is IKEA.
• I am beginning too many sentences with the word "I".
• Therefore, I will stop doing so.
• As usual, women are left out of the consideration of detergent policy.
• The links in this article will not become more inventive just because you keep reading.
• What you should read, though, are works by this author.
• Not necessarily, however, works by this one.
• If you think I am trying to be funny, you might be right.
• If you think I am failing, you are.
• Starting to dream in English is a good reason for writing in it, too. The umlauts are another.
• The links in this article will not become more inventive just because you keep reading.
• Reading Germaine Greer, I discovered that something has gone wrong. I can't figure out whether it concerns her book or society, though.
• The cats try to get out, but my arse is blocking the door to the backyard.
• It is dark, but it's not raining. So technically there is a good chance that the sun is shining somewhere further up north. In Bury or Blackburn, maybe.
• I am beginning to enjoy and cherish the soothing repetitiveness of the daily grind.
• Seriously, I like working. I feel part of the team. I feel my work is being acknowledged. In case you got that wrong, please reread the first word of the sentence. It reads "seriously".
• This entry runs the headline of While I'm writing, a statement which is both true and false. I am, indeed, writing - though of course not the article I intended to. Rather, I busy myself accumulating nonsensical links in a list. In bullet points. Maybe I just miss university.
• My tooth is no longer inflamed, but that doesn't mean that I had finally made some friends or were getting laid.
• The cats are back out. Cadbury has failed to word its magic thus relieving me from the oppression of lookism and legginsism and you-better-watch-your-figurism. Am I overly anxious or simply concerned?
• When I eat more, I don't feel like I should be eating less. It's only when I do eat less that I find that I am eating too much.
• This is not the right place for deep insights into the female psyche.
• I will not be called a girl - unless I will be allowed to travel for the reduced fare, that is.
• The search phrase 'british girls dress in skimpy clothes' yields utterly boring results.
• Instead of reading this, I would like to draw your attention to another much underrated activity.